Drowned_in_light (drownedinlight7) wrote,


 Right now, I am trying to wait for inspiration to fall out of the sky. It isn't working very well. For the past three nights now (including this one), I have been blocked on Atalanta. This is not a good sign, especially since I'm at thirty-three thousand words with this, and that's the point where longer projects ususally fail. I am worried about it, because I really want to finish this project, but I don't know, I guess it might be the forth coming action sequence (I'm terrible at action scene writing), or maybe it's just because it's finals time of year and I am really drained, but I just can't really figure out a whole lot on this thing. I mean yesterday, before I wrote my extremely odd, RPM fanfiction, I wrote about two hundred words before I realized it was just not happening. I'm just kind f concerned, because I feel like if I keep writing too many shorts while still writing Atalanta, it's going to wither in the sun and fade away, and then I won't really be able to get it back.

Well, maybe a nice solid journal about my oh so interesting life will help get me back on track.

SO! Finals time.

I was a little worried about my final projects, because up until these past couple of days I didn't really have any of them finsihed. I think the relief finally set in when we gave our presentation for our comm group project on Wednesday, which meant it was done, and over with, and I wouldn't have to think about it again. So this week end I turned my focus to finishing up all of the other projects that I had to do. They are, as follows,

Inuitive Calculas, Tinker Mountain and Wheelbarrow Racing Projects
In which we calculate the volume on the pond a top a local mountain, and
calculate the optimal time for us to race the soccer field with a
combination of three-legged racing and wheelbarrow racing

My Communications Abstract and Critique
Pretty much what it says on the tin: I have to write an abstract and
critique for a scholarly article of my choosing. I have been putting
this off since spring break.

My Art 100 Project
A final drawing which is a self portrait of us. I only have a little bit done on this, but not to worry!

My Scene for Acting Dynamics
From the play Proof (thankfully, I had finished the character study and
play paper weeks ago when we first were assigned our scenes. I saved
myself some stress).

My Anthology for Creative Writing
A body of creative works centered around a certain theme. Requirements
were twelve to fifty pages and there had to be more than three authors
in the work.

AND my portfolio also for creative writing
A body of my creative works that I turned in for workshop or to my
professor that meant a lot to us and that we had revised. I picked four
full length pieces which amounted to about twenty-two pages in all.

Yesterday, I told myself I would go to the library and work for a good couple of hours before I wne tot arts fest for a little while, and then went to dinner with my friends, and did get my calc project, comm abstract and my anthology done. The thing about my Calc project is that my professor has had us do it in parts so that we would not be overwhelmed come finals time. I pretty much had it done, but I just had to recopy some things so they looked nice and do my final write up, and then that was done and printed and ready to be turned in tomorrow. Then I went to work on my anthology for a little while (really, I have had that formated for days, I just needed to revise my editor's note a little before I printed it off), before I printed that off.

The abstract and critique was a little more difficult, and I let myself get a little distracted from it, before I went back and just sat down and wrote it. I wrote on an article about fan works, which discussed the idea of limit play, which is what fans do when they create works based off of media. It talked about the different limits that fans do or do not impose on themselves, and how valid such works can be as compared to original works. I thought that the authors knew their stuff (it's always interesting to read the articles where it's clear that the author just stumbled on this or had a roommate in college who read fanfiction, so they decide to write an article on it. Especially the articles about slash fanfiction), and put up a very good discussion about how the different limits they talk about can encourage creativity. But it really seemed like they just wanted to explain the fan world at large. The abstrace and critique turned out pretty good in my opinion and I printed that off too before going to arts festival.

My scene isn't really something that I can do on my own, but my partner and I practiced on Friday and we're going to have our finally run before our performance on Tuesday, tomorrow night. I think that for the most part our scene is going to be really very good, because my partner and I have both put a lot of thought and energy into it, and well, we really like our characters. Not to mention when we rehearsed it in class, out professor outlined some quite simple blocking and didn't change much about our audible performance at all, which made it a little easier when trying to remember the lines with blocking as well.

So today, I made myself go to the library right when it opened, and I was going to go the visual arts center to get some work done on my drawing, but somehow, that just didn't happen. But I did go through and edit my four pieces that I decided to put in. For Rand of the Norse, which I revised for the contest I won (WOOT), I actually did not have to do that much, but just play around with what I wanted to. I really like where it got to this time. I also chose to revise This Story Starts With a Prince, which I posted here on live journal, and at the behest of my class mates, I put in more of the original story of the twelve dancing princesses, and outlined when the story was being told and when the narrator was holding conversation with the naratee.

The fourth piece was a poem originally titled Revelations 18:14 after the epigraph I used. It's a poem about how I feel I lost touch with God this year after being exposed to a lot in my college experience, and the sadness and the emotional rawness I felt at that. I didn't include all of that in the poem the first time around, but I think I'll post it here now, because revising it made me realize how little I've been doing to rekindle that relationship with the LORD that I've been missing.

A Revelation

“But he shall say, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are;
depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity,”
Luke 13:27, New King James

My soul must go unsatisfied, weak for now, not fed, like a child
whose ribs you can count just by looking at them,
because I choose not to eat the fruits of the spirit,
though my flesh grows and sags with gluttony and filth.

Because of a wet, ocean of untamed knowledge
soaking into me, lapping against the shores of my mind,
begging me to come for a swim, though the sharks of the profane,
the stingers of indecency would seek to pull me away from You.

So my soul must go unsatisfied of the words it needs to hear,
to read across a page of warmth and love, destruction and endings.
Because I choose to make as much time as I want,
But never enough for You, o God, and the words You inspired.

A thousand times, I have let my soul go unsatisfied,
and now I think of the eternity stretching out before me waiting
to be had, to be held, whether in fire or comfort,
but always with Him, who died for me,

I am

looking, seeking, wondering where I am, because I know
You did not forsake me, so I must be the lost one,
O Lord; I have turned away and do not know where to turn back
To find you once more, to satisfy my soul with all that you are,

I am

afraid, for all I am is my body, and my weak unsatisfied soul,
and all I will be is a little dust, before I am in a weeping and
gnashing of teeth forever, when I could have been
joyfully singing songs to the Most High,
knowing it was because of what I did, the choices
I made, and the decision to leave my soul unsatisfied.

Originally it was a black out poem I did of a piece by Sara Teasdale, and well, this is what the poem looks like for now. I might go back and revise it again later, but for now it is what it is, and I screwed up my lineation. But I think it's much more honest and image filled like this.

I'm not sure what to say after that...to go back to just talking about mudane things, feels right but almost strange at the same time. As in, for instance: on reading day this semester, they are bringing in puppies for us to play with. Yes, my university really does do things like that, they bring us puppies to play with after classes are done. Then there's this ice cream social thing the next day on front quad and my firends and I are thinking of planning a movie night for reading day or one of the last days we will have together before summer is upon us.

Oh, yeah, there is one more thing I would like to talk about (that will hopefully take up three hundred words, so I don't have to go back and edit this and say it was my second to last thing, or say that there was just one more thing I really wanted to talk about). So, every year Hollins does graduate readings for the under grad and grad students who are getting their degrees. You sign up on a list and are allowed to read two pages of your own work.

I got to see two of my friends do readings (one did her thesis on periods and the wonderful time of month all women experience, and the other wrote about math, and the different relationships between different math vocabularies, which is actually way funnier than it sound, especially with the use of foot notes) and I also got to see my beginning creative writing professor read (pretty much all of the people who teach beginning creative writing are grad students who don't care if you call them by their first names, but have...interesting points of views on the ways writing should be written, not that everyone else doesn't as well). I think it was the subject of the piece, but I did not particularly care for hers.

There were a few other interesting pieces which included one that one of the grad student's wrote about her son and how he falls in love with everything and everyone and always has. It was super cute. There was another about a dog-girl (which was a little...weird), and then one by a grad student who wrote about an intermediate school where there is way too much sex going on. I don't even think there's that much sex going on here (even though, this is an all girls school). I'll leave you with that tonight.
Tags: 2000/50 project, journal
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