Drowned_in_light (drownedinlight7) wrote,

Journal about...

 So....writing....I don't think it's going to happen tonight, to be perfectly honest. And this, after I told a kid on the inkpop facebook that you have to sit down everyday and just write. Well, here's my writing for the day. There's too many things rattling around in my head, not to mention my subconcious believe's it's earned the right to be perfectly lazy. I think the last time I journaled was Tuesday, so I'll start from Wednesday.

Wednesday was of course, Reading Day, meaning that we had no classes at all. I was lazy then too, and woke up kind of late. And then I did nothing, for pretty much the entire day. I guess it was finally not having any classes, and being done with two of them all together that did it for me. But I did wake up with a sore throat. I went to health services and it ended up being the reaction to a head cold (now I'm simply all stopped up. This is kind of my go to stress sickness. It also might not help that I'm in a new place for the spring this year).

I did go to the visual arts center later that evening to get started on my drawing, but the seniors were going to be having a party, so I didn't stay very long, just long enough to get started and put my gestures down on the page. Then, since they were doing it, I decided to go across the street to get some pancakes. Yep, my school gives us late night pancakes during finals. As I was crossing the parking lot, though, our secret society Freya, crossed right in front of me, and I was all, "Holy crap, it's Freya." They wear this black robes and hide their faces so that you have no idea who they are (ergo, very like a secret society).

But then I went into Moody to get my pancakes. They had chocolate chip pancakes, which made me very happy, and I also got kind of excited when I saw my math professor turning them on the griddle. It's always nice to know that your professors care enough about you to make you pancakes. I sat with some of my aquaintances that I don't hang out with a lot while I ate and my math professor even joined us. Then I went back to my room and read and wrote for a while until I could allow myself to go to bed.

Ah goodness, my head is hurting now. These pressure headaches are really getting to me. And, oh my goodness, I got back from the improv performance (more on that later), and it was just starting to drizzle, and since my phone doesn't work in my dorm, I thought I would go out on the porch we have, but by then it was starting to pour. So, the music building is near by and I thought I wouldn't be disturbing anyone (which I wasn't sure I could do by going to the other dorm, Tinker, that's by mine). And by pouring, I mean pouring. I stopped into my room to grab my umbrella really fast, and by the time I got back outside, it was coming down in sheets. I mean it, it was banding together to get me soaked. So I get into the music building and thanks to the rain, I had to pee, only there was someone in the down stairs bathroom, so I went upstairs, and I would have staid upstairs to make my call, but our musics building is...how shall we say...creepy. I mean that in the most repectful way, because it is haunted as all get out. I mean that very sincerely. It's haunted.

Anyway, so I really didn't want to stay on the second floor to make the call, and the first floor had crappy reception, and i didn't want the call to drop. I walked over to Tinker and got even more wet (Huzzah), and finally decided to take a ride up to the third floor, because everywhere on the first was occupied and when I get up there, get situated and make my call, my dad picks up the home phone, (speaking in a very terrible accent), the phone buzzes against my ear in it's most annoying habit to let me know that it's battery is low. And my mom's not home, and she didn't answer her cell phone.

I really needed to talk to her, because I sent her a text earlier asking her to bring something out for the trip she's making to come and get me, and she texted me back many hours later telling me that she's not leaving until Sunday so that my sister can help with the drive out...well, that's fine and dandy, and as I said before this drive made my mom physically ill when we did it in the fall, so it's a really good thing she got my sister to do it with her. Only, I was concerned, because we planned on that my mom would sleep in my roommate's bed, because my roommate would be gone, and it's Friday, so, of course I don't have enough time to ask physical plant for a cot. I suspect she left me a voice mail, which I can't listen to in my room, but she also wrote on my facebook wall, so we got it resolved. This means I have to pack extra hard, which is something I don't want to do because I am getting supersad watching everyone pack up and leave and saying good-bye to all of my friends.

I have to come back next year, that's all there is to it. I will go into debt if I need to, but this will be done! There, I've made my declaration LORD, what say You? (Please let it be yes, because I love them all too much, God, and I want to come back, I want to come back so bad, and this can't be the last time I see all of them for more than three months).

So... yesterday I went to the visual arts center again really early and spent two hours putting in detail to the drawing. I wasn't really about half way done when I left, so I decided to come back that evening, and if necessary this morning. I didn't do much with my day, though I told myself I was supposed to be studying (it didn't really happen) though I did get a lot of thank you emails, because I created a study guide for our comm exam, and a lot of the girls really found it helpful. Then, at seven I got my math final and pledged myself to work on it until eight when I would go to the VAC and work on my drawing more. Trouble being that I didn't really get settled until seven thirty so I decided to work until nine. It was dark after nine, but I wen tot the VAC anyway and made myself work on the drawing. I worked until pretty much midnight (meaning that I put in probably five to six hours on this drawing, maybe a little more). Then, because I was on some weird kind of high, I decided to sit down and finish my math final. And then I read fifty pages. And then I wrote over two thousand words in Atalanta...And then it was nearly two in the morning, so I decided I should pack it up and head back to the dorm.

On my way back, I saw that the fire alarms were flashing in East. This made a good memory (not for the girls who were standing on the quad in there night gowns and probably thought it was cold [I did not, for the record, not really anyway]) because in one my first weeks here, I was coming back from the library late at night and the fire alarm had gone off in East and all of the girls were standing out on the quad and I chatted with some of them before I went on my way. I thought it was interesting how some things have a way of repeating themselves, and signalling a journey in a way.

Today I did less than I should have as well. I was determined to take my comm fianl, but did not start studying until an hour before the exam. It turned out well though, because I feel like I did very well on that test. Better than I felt about my midterm anyway, so with any luck I will pull out of that class and still have above a three point five GPA. Then, I went to a sushi place with Andie and Grace and I had my first piece of sushi (I also had a lovely bowl of miso, which it really helped to breath in the broth and a delicious soft shell crab. to top that off, I bought magnum bars from walmart and I got a hot chocolate from a coffee place we went to).

Then we got back, and I nearly went straight to improv. I got distracted by a movie I've already seen, though and my mom's text. But everyone was really great for their final performance. I'm really sorry to see everyone go. But I'm coming back, by the grace of GOD, I am coming back. I learned that I'm probably not going to see some of my friends tomorrow before they leave, though Andie intends to feed all of us toaster struddles.

And well, it's nearly two AM, and I really should be in bed, because I have to get up for my art exam which is at nine (and it really isn't an exam, but more of a showing), but alass, I haven't reached that magical number yet (which surprises me, because from where I'm standing, it looks like I've written quite a lot). (on another note, I should say that I don't count the day done until I go to sleep, so I am writing this for May thirteenth, though it is technically the fourteenth, and I only change it on livejournal so the calendar will look pretty...because I like it pretty). I don't want to be done and pack because that means I have to go home and stay with my parents for the summer(which I am afraid of, because I'm not really sure how that's going to go if I'm honest). I am excited to see my church and to go there all summer, and to meet up with some of my old friends. I want to get a job and spend time working too get some food money. I want to write for scholarships and win. Win a lot of them, more than I need, so I can worry less later.

If I am quite honest, I think I want to be free of this contest with myself, because I am tired (right now and) of checking word counts at one and two in the morning when i want to sleep, because I made myself stay up to write, because it's a good habit, it's how writing is written, because you make time for everything that is important to you (sorry LORD, that I haven't made time for you, because you are important and I'm just a disobediant daughter, and that will stop, I promise). But I don't think I can stop this. It's good for me to talk about how I feel, good for me to hone my craft, and I think it's even a little good for my soul to just keep going every single day. Besides, that would put a lot of the staying up past midnight for the past two months to an aweful lot of waste. I would hate to do that to myself, I think I would get quite upset.
Tags: 2000/50 project, journal
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded